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Saving despite demanding kids
Iona Minton
Posted Wed, 15 Jun 2005
There are many events that sap our ability to save. Just when things look like they are on track, another financial calamity sabotages the savings plan. Life’s unexpected expenses are not often met with enthusiasm, but if our financial management is reasonably sound, we can succeed in keeping head above water.
But there is a much more dangerous threat to the savings plan than the odd car breakdown or burst geyser and we often fail to recognise it. This threat, simply put, is children. As wonderful as they are, their ability to relieve their parents of their hard-earned cash is legendary.
Most children have no conscience when it comes to getting what they want. They will nag, cajole, pout and sulk until their battle-weary parents give in. We have to accept that it is hard for children to understand the limits of money and the limits of indulgence.
No parent likes to say "no" all of the time, especially if they can afford the constant requests. But submitting to every demand can have a far more serious consequences than a 30-minute sulk session.
Here are a few suggestions to help you deal with the unrelenting quest for “stuff” in a positive, and more importantly, consistent manner:
Family finances fluctuate - sometimes you have spare cash, other times things can be a little tight. Let them know if you can’t afford their requests. You should also help them to understand that they can’t always have what they want. Explain that even you, as the salary earner, is limited by the constraints of affordability. A number of reasons can be offered for the refusal of their request. You can tell them that the money is needed for school fees, groceries, the purchase of an expensive household item, or anything else of importance that you can (truthfully) come up with.
Let them know that everyone handles money differently, and what's right for one family might not be right for another. Ask your child how he or she thinks the other families afford all the latest gizmos. Suggest to them that they may have mountains of debt hanging over their heads. Paint a bleak picture for older kids of you living with them forever, tell them that you will be playing your Norah Jones CD until they can sing it in their sleep, and you will embarrass their friends with rude table manners. All this because they insisted on you spending your retirement savings on designer shoes, computer games and state-of-the-art cell phones.
Explain that having stuff doesn't make you a better person. It's what we do, and not what we have, that makes us worthwhile people. It is also worthwhile pointing out to them that you as a parent can not go out and buy whatever you want, the needs of the family comes first.
Suggest they save and buy it themselves. Offer to pay half if they come up with the rest. This does not work so well with younger kids because by the time they save enough the price may have gone up with inflation. It will, however, work with inexpensive items.
Whatever you do, don't feel guilty about limiting the material goods. If they understand that they can't have everything they desire the lesson will be carried into adulthood. Overindulged kids get a very rude awakening when they are finally cut loose from the parental purse strings. They are also far more likely to get into debt or have problems managing money. So saying no to their whims today is saying yes to their financial independence tomorrow.
